fate; accepted! =)

when i was young, i never had a single thought of being a teacher. although everyone around seemed to look happy with their daily routine of a teacher, i never attracted to join this career..every day and night, i work hard so that i can perform well in my education, and this happen only for one reason, i want to fulfill my ambition. [&cita2 itu: biarlah rahsia~]

Thank God that i had never failed until the day came. muu~ i was speechless. i just now that everything would be over to me. there was no way put for me to get the scholarship to pursue my study in my dream field. there's one way, but i absolutely would take it as my last choice. i took sometimes to overcome the disappointment. i was grateful that i had great people around me. my parents, my family and my friends as well. they made me smile and cheer up my day so that i could laugh again. thank you people.. :D

i was touched when i saw how my father put his best effort so that i would get the best place to pursue my study, even though it was not in the field that i had always ever wanted. he helped to apply for all the scholarship that i was eligible. i was called for some interview and i passed a few of them. my greatest supporter at the moment was him. =) hahah..that was how the flowers of love began to bloom. ^^

after some discussion with my parents and family and all, the decision was made. i packed my stuff happily. the excitement was there in me, thinking of i would be going to Korea soon. it was something that i never even imagined before. phew~

but, then, this life had been so tricky. when i just about to feel the warmth of happiness over there, with my chingu and sonsengnim, mama called me to inform that there was an offer for me from KPM. her voice told me that she was so excited with this offer. i would be going to UK and i was guaranteed to be a TEACHER. hahaha.."what is so interesting about that, mama?" guu~ i tried to ignore the offer. however, when mama started to call me each day after class to ask me about this matter, i realized that i should not say no. huhu~ so, i waved goodbye to INTEC and the Korean programme with tears. and from the day onwards, i tried to prepare myself to become a trainee teacher.

things was hard for me at first. i was glad the there was lovely people with lovely heart around me. my tutor and the fuy0ohs brightened up my day with their thoughts and words. they stood behind me and that really made me stronger. i love you guys so much!

one day, i took a deep breath. i looked around me. everything was beautiful, and i didnt want to lose them. i look at the smiling heart around me. they were too pretty to be hurt. i looked back at my past. i looked at how the destiny had brought me to a place where i stand up today. i looked at myself, looking deep into my heart and my logic. now, i know that my tutor is right. "Tuhan itu adil. Dia tdk akan jadikan sesuatu itu tanpa sebab. Dia Maha Tahu apa yang terbaik buat kamu.." thank you ma'am. i'll always bear those words in mind.

there's nothing more to be regret. i will move on and just go with the flow. Allah is The Almighty. What has been fated for me was right. so, i will accept it just the way it is. now i am proud to say that I AM A TEACHER-TO-BE..ngee~ (^^,)

lost.

i am so lost in this world of boredom.
i try to squeeze my brain for a fresh idea
but it's a total failure.
i try to speak to my heart
begging for a smile
but it turns back
and i saw a crack.
haha..berjaya juga melalut sepatah dua kata walaupun sdg bosan tahap gaban..ngahaha~ :))

kenapa dia berubah?

dari kejauhan
ku lihat dia tersenyum
lalu aku senyum kembali kepadanya
tatkala senyuman bersambut, silaturrahim bertaut.

dari kejauhan
dia hulurkan salam buatku
lalu salamnya ku jawab
dan kami mula berjabat.

dari kejauhan
dia berbicara kepadaku
bercerita sendu dan tawa
duka juga ceria.

biarpun
cuma dari kejauhan
aku dan dia menjadi teman
utuhnya persahabatan
seakan tidak akan dapat dipisahkan.

namun
itu adalah cerita semalam.
hari ini
jalinan kasih itu sudah bertukar wajah.

dari kejauhan
aku melihatnya
sedang melihat kepadaku
hantaran satu pandangan sepi
oleh satu jiwa yang kosong.

kenapa dia harus begitu?
kenapa mesti dia berubah?
kenapa dia menjauh dariku?
aku tidak tahu
aku tidak punya jawapan untuk itu
dan aku tidak mahu memikirkannya
kerana aku menunggu jawapan dari dia.

ditulis oleh:
Little Marini
[17.12.2008][2326pm]

what my blog is all about?

last night, someone had asked me this question.."kakak, what your blog is all about?" herm..somehow it sounds so easy..however, as i think deeply, i found that it is not as easy as that..ngeh3..

owh~ now i also wonder what my blog is all about..obviously, my blog is nothing related to academic..because so far, there is no one asks me to solve mathematics equation or write an essay of no grammar mistake at all over here..hahaha..but then, if there is one, i think i will give a thousand thoughts to such request..hi3.. ;p

erm..as written in "applepie itu saya" column, my blog is a place where i express my feelings and thoughts..many people said that i am a jovial person until there is some people who hardly believe i have the soft side of me..actually, i used to be a sensitive person and still i am..however, my weakness is that i dont know how to express that soft side of me..i dont know how to shout back at the people who get on my nerves..i also dont know how to show the pain i felt inside my heart..all i know is pretending like my life is a rose of no thorn..such a beautiful life with no obstacles at all..ahaha..what a lie~!*sigh* since young, paper and pen has become my bestfriend..i used to write all the madness and sadness i felt on that day..i give all my heart while writing..after i was done, i will tear the paper in little tiny pieces so that it cannot be read anymore..then, i would just throw them into the rubbish bin nearby..huwee~ the feeling afterwards is indescribable..something sure is there is no more madness and sadness..i felt just like the feeling was in the dustbin! ngahaha~ however, as my sister said "zaman sudah berubah..dunia sudah maju..", this blog has replaced the role played by paper and pen earlier..it's going to be the place where i can be myself, say just what i want, and reveal my true feeling..that is the significant of this blog to me.. =)

secondly, this blog is a place where i can jot down my daily activity and thus keep my buddy up-to-date with what i am doing..besides, this blog will keep track of me what of what have i do in the past when i read in it in the future..hopefully, this blog will still exist when i am 65..ngee~

in the nutshell, my blog is all about me and my life.. (^^,)

my secret recipe..

last night izzul had requested me to post my secret chocolate cake recipe to my blog..
aiyo~
from nowadays it will be a secret no more..huhu~
but, then, it's ok lorh..

so, ladies and gentlemen..
get ready with your paper and pen..
here it goes..shin-jak! :D

1. SUPER MOIST CHOCOLATE CAKE
2. MOIST CHOCOLATE CAKE MALAYSIAN VERSION
3. MOIST CHOCOLATE CAKE: BUTTER-FREE

well..i guess those are enough for the moment..
dont forget to try them all okey..
[xoxo]
:D

p/s: my secret recipe remains secret ^^

GADIS MELAYU

one of the most-talked-about tv reality shows nowadays is 'Gadis Melayu.' i dont really know much about this show as i have watched it only once and it's only for not more than 10 minutes. ngeh~ i was not to talk about the reality show itself. i just want to said something about the title; "Gadis Melayu".

shall i know what is the criteria of a 'purrrfect' gadis Melayu? this is because my mama keep nagging me about the gadis Melayu thing..huhu~ she said i dont have such criteria to be a good gadis Melayu..aiyo~ in my identity card it is clearly stated that i am MALAY..so why cant i be a good gadis Melayu? dont i polite enough? hey, i am polite ok..and shy as well..lalala~ ;p isnt that enough to crown me with the title ' A Good Gadis Melayu'?

it is not that i hate cooking..it is not that i hate to do all those household chores..and it is also not that i hate to sew and gardening like the othe girls..it is just that i dont really know how to cook..and to improve my skills in cooking, i have spend some time during this holiday to be my adik2 cook..owh yeah..they have made me realized that i have a little talent doing this job..hehe..next is household chores..huhu~ i am so sorry mama..i have to admit that i'm lazy when it come to these things..ngeh~ ok2..i'll promise i'll get my laziness over as soon as possible..about the sewing and gardening matter, well..er..how to say huh? at least i know alter the waist-size of my pants..and sometimes (long2 time ago..hehe) i went out to our rock garden to water the plant..remember? hehe..

besides that, i also a good malay language speaker..and a native speaker of not-so-pekat-kelantan dialect..i wear baju kurung eventhough not everyday..however, you must know that i wear baju kurung almost five times a week when i was in ipip..so, why cant i be a good gadis melayu? uwaa~ :(

whatever it is..no one is perfect ok..and i not craving to death to be a 'purrrfect' gadis Melayu..i am so me and i am proud of who i am..ngee~ :D

the fuyo0hs.. <3

i miss u girLs..

::bLoved mrs. pres::dBa syg::fara soulmate ku::
now i had realized how deep has this friendship took place in my heart..
love you so much!

hapPineSs~

~hapPinesS~

in this post, i would love to write my thought on happiness..happiness is something that is subjective..different people would have different point of view about it..as for me, happiness means a kind of great feeling you felt when you enjoy your life during the moment at the fullest..

i've been living for 17 years; exactly 17 today..hehe..my life is not always fill up with the smell of happiness..sometimes the sorrow and disappointment come to show themselves..the obstacles that i face sometimes make me cry..there's moment when i feel so weak and helpless..that there is about no one for me to turn to and lay my back on them..there is time when i feel so lonely..and darkness is all over me..i'm scared but all i can do is just let it be..
when i turn back to my past, i realize that those pathetic experience are the one that make me grow up..they teach me the bitter reality of life..they give me strength to face the future..they help me to improve myself into a better me..

i never regret my past..the bitterness that i taste is worth to be appreciated..there is always light at the end of a dark tunnel..i strongly believe in that word and as far as i have experienced..the saying is true..happiness always comes after the sorrow..it cures all the pain that i endure..
sorrowness to me, is somehow is also a kind of happiness..
"i wont do anything..i enjoy the pain"
i quote that from someone that really close to me..
when i first heard it, i jump into conclusion that it was totally ridiculous..however, something had happened and i was knocked when this sentence suddenly popped into my mind..he is right..sit back and let the life move on is sometimes the best thing to be done..pain is not always hurt..sometimes it is sweet; sweet to be bear in mind, at least..

specially dedicated to dba syg.. :)

dba syg called me again last night..for the third time of the day..ngeh~ however, she was not as gay as before..i could hear her sobs..waa~ agak2 meruntun perasaan di situ ea..guu~ for the first time..this post will be in malay..ngee~

deep..
mencintai dan dicintai itu lumrah..mencintai seseorang itu ialah anugerah dan ianya sama sekali bukanlah satu kesalahan..yang salah ialah apabila kita menyintai insan yg salah (yg sudah diketahui buruk akhlaknya dan sebagainya)..menyintai juga akan menjadi salah apabila kau menyintai seseorang secara berlebih-lebihan..sekarang cuba kau renungkan kembali..adakah kau menyintai kimi secara berlebihan? berlebihan yang bagaimana? kau mnjadikan cinta terhadapnya sebagai cinta yang teragung di hatimu..adakah kau begitu sayang? jika benar, langkahmu khilaf..jika tidak, alhamdulillah..kayu ukur terhadap perasaan cinta itu senang saja..pernah terdetik di hatimu walau cuma sekali bahawa kimi ialah segalanya untukmu..he is ur everything..itu tandanya kamu menyintainya lebih dari segalanya..jadi, pernahkah?

ku pinjamkan kepadamu sepotong kata yang pernah ku dengar dari seseorang:

Never take a man as your everything because Allah is always ur everything..He is always there for you..even when a man doesnt..Never said that u are lonely because Allah is always next to you..He may not appear in front of your eyes but his Nur is always there in your heart..Never said that you are helpless because Allah is the Greatest Helper..Just turned to Him and He will show you the best way to a brighter day...

dilema yang kau hadapi sekarang adalah untuk melepaskannya dari hatimu bukan? ia bukan mudah tapi akan menjadi sedikit mudah jika kau berusaha sedaya mungkin untuk mempermudahkannya..kuncinya ialah tekad, cekal, yakin dan ikhlas..tekadkan hatimu jika kau pilih untuk melupakan dia..segala tindakanmu haruslah mengikut tekad tersebut..dan kau juga harus cekal menghadapi segala kesakitan dan kepedihan dalam melalui proses tersebut..yakin lah pada dirimu dan yakin juga kepada janji Yang Esa..bahawasanya di dunia ini telah diciptakan seseorang buatmu..juga kesudahan yg baik adalah bagi orang2 yang bertaqwa..ikhlaskan hatimu melepaskan kimi..ikhlaskan hatimu dalam menerima hal ini sebagai satu cabaran..hidup ini penuh dengan cabaran dan ini ialah salah satu cabaran yg perlu kau tempuhi..

walau apa pn jua badai yang datang merintangi jalan hidupmu, kau tidak akan pernah kesorangan..kau sentiasa punya aku; sahabat yang sentiasa mencintai dirimu.. :)

this girl named nadzipah

Wan Nadzipah Maharah

this time i would love to write about a friend of mine. she is the one in the picture above. cute right? ^.^

i know her since the first day i went to INTEC. she was my roommate and we were in the same program; Korean Engineering Program. from the first sight, i know that this girl must be a very nice person. she is polite and i can see that she is quite shy. my parents meet her and from the way they talk, i know that my parents like her. (glad that i dont have any big brother..ngeh3 =p) from the day onwards, she had become my very good friend. we used to do everything together; except waking up from bed. he3..

i admire this girl. she is just 18 years old but she behaves like an adult. may be this is because she the eldest in her family. i can say that she is a very responsible person. she can manage her time and her financial very well. i salute her for that. she can stand waking up early in the morning to wash her clothes so that she dont have to waste money to send the dirty clothes to dobi. she is a true malay girl type. she talk politely, walk politely; so unlike me..hehe ;p physically, she is quite vertically challenge. however, do not underestimate her. you would better watch out. she is small in size but she has a very brilliant mind. since high school, she would score 90 marks and above for her additional mathematics. some additional information to amaze you even more, her pointer for the previous semester in INTEC is 4.28. over 4.5, she score 4.28! wow! she is my little einstein, indeed. ngee~ (^_^)

i have a confidence that she can make it to Korea next year. it is so okay that i cant make it there. i will be damn happy if all my friends in korean program are able to fly to south korea in march 2009. it will be very soon. it's sad that they will leave me but it is okay. they have their own dream and i have mine.

to you nadzipah, i love you so much sister. hope that we can meet again some day later. Best of luck in your study. If God wills, i will be coming to shah alam once again to meet you before you fly. Insya-Allah.. =)

Seoul Daehakyo; kaja chingu!

i really want to update my blog..but i am all messed up..i have written two post (excluding this one) so far for today but i have deleted both of them..i dont really know what is so wrong with me today..hmmph~ :(

today is tuesday

mrs. pres said..this bear is so look like our biro kebajikan..comeeelll~ hik2..



my day starts well today..i pass my test..alhamdulillah.. =)
the fuyyohs also did well..so glad for them..hehek..maju fuy0h maju..lalala~
k.long also did well..even better than us..well, she is our k.long, then.. ;)

1st post..ngee~~ :D

1. WHAT MADE YOU SMILE TODAY?
= cannot remember..but i did smile.. :)

2. DO YOU KNOW THAT TO LOVE IS ALSO TO LET GO?
- i noe and understand that statement very well..

3. ARE YOU IN LOVE??
- i'm so in love.. :)

4. ARE YOU IN A FIGHT?
- say no to fight..peace!

5. DO YOU LOVE YOUR BEST FRIEND/S?
- for sure i do..mmuah2

6. WHAT SONG ARE YOU LISTENING TO?
- tika itu by unic..lgu nasyid 2..chewaahh..hehehe

7. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SONG FOR THE MOMENT?
- ayat2 cnta by rossa..nvr b rplaced by 1st lady..

8. WHAT ARE YOUR BIGGEST FEARS?
- darkness! gugu~ :(

9. WRITE DOWN NAMES OF IMPORTANT FRIENDS.
- so many names to be listed, then..they r all important for me..

10. DO YOU HAVE EX-BESTFRIENDS?
- i think so..but then we r still fren..jz not that close anymore..

11. DO YOU LIKE TO WATCH THE SUNSET WITH YOUR LOVE?
- so sweet..wink2 ^.^

12. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE THING TO DO?
- on9.eating.sleeping.shopping.fooling around wif fuyyohs

13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE CAR?
- i dont even have a license.. :(

14. HAVE YOU EVER LOVED YOUR OWN BESTFRIEND?
- i have always love them..ngee~

15. DO YOU THINK BREAK UP IS SUCK?
- ssdh tkdir..redha saje..what 2 do? huhuhu~

16. TELL ME AN IMPORTANT THING ABOUT YOU.
- i'm in love! :D

17. WHAT SPORTS DO YOU LIKE?
- climbing stairs..hahaha :))

18. ARE YOU BORED?
- not at the moment.

19. DO YOU WANNA GO BACK TO THE PAST?
- yes..there's sumthing that really need 2 b fixed in my past..huhu~

20. DO YOU HAVE BESTFRIENDS FROM THE OPPOSITE SEX?
- i have 2..wink2

22 . WHAT COLORS DO YOU LIKE?
- pink.red.black.white.chocolate

23. DO YOU LIKE TO DRINK BEER UNTIL YOU GET DRUNK?
- nope.

24. DO YOU HAVE IMPORTANT THINGS TO SAY TO SOMEONE?
- yes..but cannot b stated here..huhu~

25. WHAT DO YOU DO FOR FUN?
- the fuyyohs are best at make things fun..aren't we? hik2.. ;D

26. LOVE SOMEONE A LOT?
- yes.. :)

27. ARE YOU SLEEPY NOW?
- nope.

28. IF YOU HAVE A CHANCE TO SAY "I MISS U", TO WHOM WOULD THAT BE?
- mama.him.